The little man in the canoe

The little man in the canoe

Is it me, or is the clitoris pretty obvious? Why do people always talking about finding it? Or more importantly who do women rely on men to uncover it? To discover it like a ship lost at sea. Can’t you just be like “dude, see that part sticking out… kind of like a nose right there? Yeah, so that is it.” I mean is it really that hard to communicate?

According to people who do surveys on this type of stuff, 1 in 3 women have troubles climaxing. The irony being that the cosmos created the little man in the canoe specifically for that purpose. It just hangs out like a little pleasure button waiting to be pushed. And the tragedy continues considering that a woman’s body is so hyper objectified as a sexual… uhhhhh…. object….that to not reap the benefits seems like a dismal fate. Like “hey world, if you are going to use my body as beacon of sexuality, then I better be getting off in the process.” Or at least that is what this article about the “21 things millennials should know about the clitoris” implies.

I am not saying I didn’t learn some fascinating information about the nature’s Rubik’s cube…. Like it continues to grow for the rest of your life, can be up to five inches wide and 3 inches long, and the rest of the clitoris is internal – made up of a pair of spongy erectile tissue structures that look a lot like balls and when erect wraps the sides of the vadge like it is giving it a bear hug. But I didn’t need to know that to know how it works. And that is my question. Whose responsibility is it to have read the manual, and to what extent does culture impact the psychology around it?

I am the first to acknowledge the vast impact society has on a woman’s psyche. I think it is unique to the female experience because women are the ones being raped, used, hyper-sexualized, controlled, dominated, and all that… So there are going to be intense and vast consequences of that stark reality. But… I still think it is a lady’s job to figure out how her body. We can’t depend on men to make us orgasm. We have to wiggle around, tell him to slow down, or do whatever it takes so it happens for you. For me the empowerment isn’t about whether or not women are having orgasms during sex, it is that they feel comfortable prioritizing them, and vocalizing their needs.

Just like men get “blue balls” women get “purple bean,” and it is not cool. But we the ladies have to be the ones to give a care. The more we are like “hey… excuse me… although it is really nice that my stomach is moisturized, there is still some unsettled business to take care of,” the more we will demystify this sacred space. And even though the psychology around sex is more complicated for females, every woman needs to address it hood on.


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